I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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