Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
