All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
