That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
