Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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