omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
