Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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