using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
