you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
it's like iHOP with fire
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Randomize
