whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
