i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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