Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
