My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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