I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
