So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Someone came in the potted fern
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
