She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
