New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I stole a fireplace last night.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Randomize
