I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
