We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
