Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
