Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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