When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I need to align my fucking chakras
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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