Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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