I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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