i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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