see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
