I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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