The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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