did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
