piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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