my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You don't make any sense
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