Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
