omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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