i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
