i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
