I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
