I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
