My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
