My liver just broke up with me...
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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