Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
