Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
