So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
