he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
