wanna go halves on a baby?
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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