I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
