How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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