Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
