The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Sext me about skeletons
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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