I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
it hurts more in the daytime
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
