I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
