then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
