Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
