i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
