I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
