I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
