Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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