i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
