what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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