Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
This is classic penis vs brain.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
