I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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