I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
So much rum. So many feels.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
