if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
