just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
