The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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