Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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