Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
