I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
