I accidentally burped into my bong.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Just high enough for therapy.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
