I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
