dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Are my feet made of real feet?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
