I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
